I have not sent a letter in what seems like forever! Over the past few months have been a lot different than what I am used to. I am so used to reacting to everything like it is a life threatening situation and I am still trying to adjust back to every day life. On multiple occasions I have reacted in ways which were not 'correct' in the town, but they would have been correct in the war. I constantly have a fear that I am going to get shot by a machine gun or I am going to be hit by an artillery attack. My fellow soldiers have been experiencing soldiers too and I think we just need to adjust back to everyday life. Even sleeping is not the same. During some nights, I dream that I was killed in some shape or form and I wake up covered in sweat and either gasping for air or having a terrible pain in my chest. Throughout the day, I sometimes have flashbacks from near death experiences and I have screamed in public places. I have tried turning to alcohol to deal with this because nothing happens while I am drunk, but the afterwards is a different story. The tramautic incidents that replay over and over in my head come back way more vivid and I find that it is a lot worse than usual. I think I will start to seek medical help tomorrow to try and cope with these. I have not had a good night's sleep in what seems like forever. I will write back tomorrow to inform you on anything new.
Love : Gordon Harrison
Here's a picture of me after the war. I'll be home in a couple months.
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